a carousel-system on how things happen.THE MODERN HIDALGO: Entry_064.
Written: Wednesday. November 20, 2019.
I feel like I’m still not that quite used to the level of speed my laptop can reach, now that it’s running on 8GB RAM. I could open it up twice as fast as before, which is technically just the normal speed of booting up a computer. Because before, this laptop needed about 10 minutes worth of waiting time, before you could actually do stuff with it. Now, it’s like 4–5 minutes of waiting time. And then I get to do what I need to do with this laptop of mine. Which is nice.
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I waited for more than a year, before I got the chance to get this thing upgraded. I could have upgraded this thing myself, but I don’t trust myself that much to go alone in a place where people clearly know how to manipulate you into buying things you didn’t set out to buy when you got there. I’m talking about Gilmore, here. The place of all places where you could get the best computer systems in the Philippines. But it comes with a price. You can’t just go to that place without somebody keeping you in check; like a very uneasy-to-sway mother.
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Yesterday, I didn’t write anything, because I didn’t do anything. But that’s really no excuse for me not writing anything for the day. I have to remind myself that this journal’s purpose is at first: to get me to write. And then everything else comes second.
The reason why this journal exists is because I felt like I wasn’t doing much writing at the time. I did ZERO writing. Sure, I transcribed some of my earlier stories back when I was writing in High School. But when that was finished, I still ended up with nothing. There was no progress. Nothing to show for. Just some transcribed old stories that I didn’t even get to finish writing.
And then, things happened, one thing lead to another, and I wasn’t writing anything anymore. I resorted to gaming, to watching videos online, to making videos, drawing, re-reading the small amount of books I had at the time (Percy Jackson). Basically, I did everything else, except for writing stories.
That’s why, I dunno. One day, I decided to announce that I was gonna pursue doing this daily blogging thing, which is The Modern Hidalgo. I planned it out as a “daily” blog. Mostly, because I couldn’t do daily ‘vlogging’, which bummed me out. So maybe that’s one major reason as to why this exists.
But then I realized that doing things on a daily basis will take a toll on you, and decided that I would take Sundays off. That would be like my Cheat Day of the week. A day that I could waste on just relaxing. But then things got out of hand, and now I’m doing 2–3, no, 1–2 journal entries per week. Which is ridiculous to think about.
I started this as a daily thing, now it’s gone to shit. Like, what happened to me? It’s like I only ended up being worse. And I don’t like that that’s happening.
Maybe it’s because I don’t get anything in return when it comes to writing journals. I don’t feel like people actually read what I write here. I end up just talking to myself. And sometimes that’s okay. But there are some days where it’s just sad to think about.
I dunno. I’m not guilt-tripping here or anything. I’m just stating a fact. The fact that people don’t actually read my stuff.
But is that gonna stop me? Am I gonna let myself be pushed down by the absence of appreciation for my craft? No. I think it only pushes me even further. That’s weird to say at this point, cause I haven’t been posting as much lately. But there’s honestly other factors that make that happen, really.
I’ve been focusing on other things. Like making videos on Youtube, which takes a stronger toll on me, cause I of course have to go through several steps:
- Planning the video
- Recording the video
- Editing the video
- Posting the video
- And then taking time in order to regain the strength, or the energy, that I spent in order to finish the video.
And then there’s this new thing that I’m spending time thinking on: Instagram.
When Youtube has a strict rule of not using music from other artists, and only using royalty-free music, Instagram looks like a safe space to just express what you can’t express on Youtube.
Because Instagram doesn’t have all of that copyright-bullshit. You are free to post whatever you like, and IG doesn’t do anything about it. Which is nice.
But also, Instagram isn’t paying you for your content. Unlike Youtube. So I guess that’s the downside of Instagram. But the upside of that is that we creative beings can just go crazy on the platform just within a 60-second time-limit, which is actually kind of challenging, in a good way. Plus, it’s not that time-consuming when you’re editing.
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Currently reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne. It’s like reading Moby Dick, which isn’t a good sign. Verne keeps on talking about numbers and nautical locations, or whatever. It sort of takes you away from what’s actually happening in the story. He takes a lot of time expounding on one thing, and when you’re done reading that paragraph, you don’t really understand it, still. Which makes it more difficult to read, cause you don’t know where the story is heading, or what it’s trying to say, or tell.
But I’m gonna push through with reading it. I feel like maybe it’s a slow-burn. I mean, let’s be real here, most classic novels from 100 years ago or so, are not really the best when it comes to writing-style. The dialectic back then was way different from the dialectic now. Or is it Dialogue? Sentence-Structure? I dunno.
If your were to watch and listen to people talk in the old movies or TV shows, and then compare that to how people talk now, there’s a big difference.
They sounded more intelligent. We sound more stupid.
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