Written: Thursday. September 20, 2018.
And for last night’s wild fiasco, this dreadful self-hate has finally seen the light of day.
I haven’t been drinking in a while, much less hang out with people at the late hours of after-school. I’ve avoided it as much as possible. Because back in the prime days, that was all I ever did.
I’m a good kid. A good student who opens up his text books to read in advance for his subjects. Especially now, with my on-going year-long Thesis. But to be like that for so long, with no switch-off, no sign of a break from the study habits and the long momentum of productivity streaks, that sort of balanced-out way of living asks for an inevitable imbalance; Chaos.
To put that into context, I’ve been dealing with an internal struggle since the moment this whole school year started. If you’re going to start off a very stress-demanding year with pressuring your students to go do the reading and the researching even before the first day of class starts | given that we had our On-the-Job-Training just weeks prior | you’re asking these students to go out of their way to serve a purpose they don’t fully understand and wouldn’t fully absorb, because they have a very small amount of clue as to what you’re demanding them to do.
I’ve been dealing with rejections and neglects from companies that I’ve known and loved for years. I am dealing with people who just blatantly choose out-of-the-blue brands they don’t even use or care for. I have told and asked these people why they chose their brands, and have been given the general answer of “because it’s what’s available” or just simply “because there was nothing else out there”. And I have asked them what their connection to their brand was, and I could tell you that they have zero clue on what they want to do with their life, because right now, they don’t even understand the higher purpose of what we’re trying to do with that particular endeavor. And yet nobody from the council has ever given me a direct answer on why I need to contact these companies, while the others are just choosing things right off the bat.
I see, everyday, students, graduating students, who just want the easy way out of the shit-hole we call College. They pick brands like mediocre food, or unknown medicinal products, or energy drinks. These people have no complete understanding as to what purpose this thesis is all about. And given that we’ve been doing this for about Four Years now, you’d think that they would clean up their act and actually make use of the knowledge they’ve gotten from those years, and do a damn good thesis that’s not about making a brand look good, or changing a few designs to make the brand look good, or taking a bunch of scrap products and say that you’re trying to fix their “problems”.
I see a lack of character to these people. A lack of purpose. No sense of direction.
And because of the rejections, the neglect, the nonsensical bullshit I have to deal with every-time I go to class, I’m way passed crazy. I’m bound to erupt, to break, to explode.
And that’s exactly what happened to me last night. I got low. I said to myself “if this type of bullshit’s not gonna go away anytime soon, might as well embrace it, and just do what you gotta do with your own dilemmas.”
If these people don’t want to get their act together, I guess it’s beyond my control. [I’ll talk about control someday]
And I hate being out of control. Hence, why last night reminded me so much of how much I hated intoxicating myself. Especially if the ends DON’T justify the means.
I damaged myself way too much, for reasons that are so petty.
But again, I guess that’s the way it’s gonna be. And I’m way fucking glad I found my release. Because to ask someone to be sane in an asylum of a world, is really funny.
It really cracks me up.
And for last night’s wild fiasco, this dreadful self-hate has finally seen the light of day.
I haven’t been drinking in a while, much less hang out with people at the late hours of after-school. I’ve avoided it as much as possible. Because back in the prime days, that was all I ever did.
I’m a good kid. A good student who opens up his text books to read in advance for his subjects. Especially now, with my on-going year-long Thesis. But to be like that for so long, with no switch-off, no sign of a break from the study habits and the long momentum of productivity streaks, that sort of balanced-out way of living asks for an inevitable imbalance; Chaos.
To put that into context, I’ve been dealing with an internal struggle since the moment this whole school year started. If you’re going to start off a very stress-demanding year with pressuring your students to go do the reading and the researching even before the first day of class starts | given that we had our On-the-Job-Training just weeks prior | you’re asking these students to go out of their way to serve a purpose they don’t fully understand and wouldn’t fully absorb, because they have a very small amount of clue as to what you’re demanding them to do.
I’ve been dealing with rejections and neglects from companies that I’ve known and loved for years. I am dealing with people who just blatantly choose out-of-the-blue brands they don’t even use or care for. I have told and asked these people why they chose their brands, and have been given the general answer of “because it’s what’s available” or just simply “because there was nothing else out there”. And I have asked them what their connection to their brand was, and I could tell you that they have zero clue on what they want to do with their life, because right now, they don’t even understand the higher purpose of what we’re trying to do with that particular endeavor. And yet nobody from the council has ever given me a direct answer on why I need to contact these companies, while the others are just choosing things right off the bat.
I see, everyday, students, graduating students, who just want the easy way out of the shit-hole we call College. They pick brands like mediocre food, or unknown medicinal products, or energy drinks. These people have no complete understanding as to what purpose this thesis is all about. And given that we’ve been doing this for about Four Years now, you’d think that they would clean up their act and actually make use of the knowledge they’ve gotten from those years, and do a damn good thesis that’s not about making a brand look good, or changing a few designs to make the brand look good, or taking a bunch of scrap products and say that you’re trying to fix their “problems”.
I see a lack of character to these people. A lack of purpose. No sense of direction.
And because of the rejections, the neglect, the nonsensical bullshit I have to deal with every-time I go to class, I’m way passed crazy. I’m bound to erupt, to break, to explode.
And that’s exactly what happened to me last night. I got low. I said to myself “if this type of bullshit’s not gonna go away anytime soon, might as well embrace it, and just do what you gotta do with your own dilemmas.”
If these people don’t want to get their act together, I guess it’s beyond my control. [I’ll talk about control someday]
And I hate being out of control. Hence, why last night reminded me so much of how much I hated intoxicating myself. Especially if the ends DON’T justify the means.
I damaged myself way too much, for reasons that are so petty.
But again, I guess that’s the way it’s gonna be. And I’m way fucking glad I found my release. Because to ask someone to be sane in an asylum of a world, is really funny.
It really cracks me up.
* * *
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