Written: Saturday. September 12, 2020.
I am slowly being eaten up by my own desire to achieve more, to do more, to be more. I’ve been non-stop trying to edit and re-edit articles or blogs pertain to the “Content Junkie” idea. It’s not even called that, anymore. Rather, I’ve moved on to using “Realms of the Unbalanced”, and have also moved on from the Facebook page and into a Blogger website of my own making. This blog has existed in the ethereal realm of the internet (it’s been in draft mode) since high school, and only yesterday did I remember it being an actual thing that I have at my disposal.
I’ve been posting and posting articles that I have lying around on my Evernote, into that blog. All my brain farts regarding Kaiju movies I’ve watched in the recent weeks that have passed, and all of the reviews I’ve written that have not seen the light of day on my Youtube channel (which is only a short sum, cause I’m not too prolific when it comes to writing reviews or whatever).
It’s eating me all up cause I have done what I would surmise is a lot of stuff in a short span of hours, and I already feel like I’m being swallowed up by some invisible gravitational force that is pulling me down and making me — as my current blog’s title is called — Unbalanced.
I fished that term out of the Ultra Q wikipedia page, by the way, for those who are in-the-know of that 1966 series and are familiar with the term. It was supposedly the title for the show, by the producers wanted a different angle, and they scrapped Unbalanced…and left it free for the taking, and so I did.
Anyway, it seems I’m still going to keep pushing on with this psyche-destructive endeavor of mine, cause if by chance that the Realms of the Unbalanced becomes a sensational blog where people go to in order to find the stuff that I’ve been putting out, the end goal would be that I get to have ads on my blog, via Adsense support.
My Youtube Channel also shows ads, and I’ve been trying to find a way to have my thoughts be paid (literally), and this is the thing that I’ve been looking for. This is the opportunity that could get me to have two ways to earn money. The Fucking Medium website doesn’t let me monetize my posts, cause apparently they don’t support the country that I’m in yet (or ever will). I’ve been prolific on that end, but if you ask me “do I earn any money with that?”, my answer would be no.
So Blogger is chance at that. It’s an opportunity that I will be taking into my hands. I’ll be working on it, and I won’t stop until I see even a sliver of a chance that I get monetized. Once that happens, I’ll be even more focused on working on that blog.
Anyway, back to business.
Written: Monday. September 14, 2020.
An update on the Blogger thing: it’s actually looking well. I was only really frustrated with it on the first night, but once I realized I could just put a lot of my unused or un-posted stuff on my Evernote into that blog, the world became my oyster. I placed my Brain Farts in there, my reviews regarding books/shows/anime/games/etc, and then my short stories. I feel like I’ll be posting more once this sinks in, cause I feel like my brain hasn’t yet fully grasped the scope of what I could do with that blog site.
It’s essentially a more organized Medium. Medium (the digital magazine website) is very limited when it comes to layout. They’re more of the essentialist/minimalist-type when it comes to layout design…unless you’re a premium member and/or have your own actual Medium page, and not just an account where you post random blogs or articles or journal entries. The only way for me to direct readers to other posts that I want them to see is by adding the “Previous | Next” text below every article or journal entry that I post. It’s frustrating too, cause I only have 2 followers on that Medium account that I have, and I have no way of having my posts monetized by Medium, cause apparently they haven’t had the ability to reach our country(Philippines) yet.
But with Blogger, as I’ve said, there is this sliver of a chance that I have of getting my blog monetized. I’m not requesting a lookup on my blog for now, cause I just did that a day ago, so it might cause even more damage if I immediately request another approval for my blog. So I’ll wait for like half a month before I request approval from the admins or whatever.
I hope I get it monetized, cause I’ve got a lot of writings that are just sitting and collecting dust inside my Evernote account, and it’s a shame if those ideas don’t see the light of day.
Other things: I’ve been playing a lot and watching a lot. Playing on my recently revived S4 Lite Cherry Mobile phone, playing on the desktop, playing on the laptop, and playing on my main phone. I used to hate playing multiple games at the same time, but I also hated playing just one game until I finished it, and when I started playing multiples again, I sort of realized “that’s the best way to go with gaming”.
I don’t wanna waste too much time with playing games (or at least online games). I’ve spent too much of my life with it already (due to my one-year forced vacation back in 2015), and I only really play games to balance out the madness. I mean that, because if I just kept writing and reading and recording videos and writing for videos and reading in order to get inspired to write, and not have to play any sort of game in the middle of that insanity — I would end up going just that: an insane person. I’ll explode into a million tiny pieces.
I haven’t been making new pixel art or any form of fine art, cause I really don’t have any intention of doing that. I have no motivation to do so, I have no clue what to do, and this leads to the question of whether or not I’m a perfectionist.
I think I am, but I’m the most mediocre perfectionist out there, probably. My mother keeps telling me I’m a perfectionist for fearing to fail on doing the “graduation roadblock” (man, I haven’t written those two words together in a while), and she’s kind of correct, but also completely wrong.
I want to defy the world or society on the existing point of “having to follow the rules and staying in your lane in order to reach a level of stability in your life”. It’s an over-done and religiously worshiped tenet that everybody apparently has to follow in order to “live the life”.
…Where was I going with this? I had a point.
Oh, yeah — pixel art. Basically, I’m saying that my weakest hobby or talent (whichever is more applicable to whatever I’m saying) is making art. Ironically, this was one of the first things I showed a talent for, and I’ve blinded myself with the false idea of “I’m actually good at this, since I’ve been doing it way back in preschool”. So it’s very nerve-wrecking to realize that what you’ve been wearing as armor for a long time, were actually the chains that have been holding you in place (in the context of being a bad scenario).
Written: Thursday. September 17, 2020.
I don’t feel like myself today — sort of a very cliche way to express how I exactly feel at the moment, but I’m too out of it to even care.
Why is it that I tend to feel like I have to do something that I think is important? Why do I think these things are important? Why do I pressure myself? I always pressure myself. This is a constant thing that keeps on happening to me. I want to make pixel art, but I also don’t know what I want to do with pixel art. I only know how to mimic stuff, but to do original stuff of my own is something is entirely. So that’s where my head’s at right now. I always think of myself as not capable of doing my own stuff or style, but then again, why does that matter so much?
And why do I keep on wanting to do more, instead of doing less in order to do more? I keep on doing multiple things at once, that my mind can’t settle on the thing I’m doing in real time anymore. When I read, I think of games and shows and ideas that I want to get done after I read. When I’m watching something, I’m thinking of how I’m gonna do my reaction for it. When I’m recording, my head’s on the upload. When I’m uploading(this part’s okay) I’m doing something else. When I’m doing something else, I’m thinking of something else.
Why can’t I focus? I’m doing too many stuff, but why do I feel like I’m still not doing enough?
Tangent: I don’t know what to do with my Blogger website anymore. I’ve pretty much put everything there already (except for the Modern Hidalgo and the Inner Machinations journal). I think I’ll keep on posting entries on Medium, but everything else that I come up with is gonna be put in the Blogspot site.
What is it properly called? Blogger? Blogspot? I don’t know.
One Idea that I have for the Blog is to play a game, and write down what I do within the play-through. I’ve been wanting to replay Final Fantasy Tactics Advance; something about that game really hits home for me, I think it’s because of my shady history with the game (shady, meaning I secretly bought the physical game with my dad’s money that I took from his wallet. I was young, what’re you gonna do?). That, and the game really has a nice story, and a very nice gaming experience. Like, I can’t stress how good that game is. Especially when you compare it to a game like Tactics Ogre: Knight of Lodis, FF Tactics Advance really shines. I’ve played the game more than I’ve played any Fire Emblem game or Advance Wars game (all games I’ve been mentioning are chess-like strategy games).
Or, I also want to play this Jimmy Neutron Game on the GBA that I finished in the past. It’s stuck in my head, and I want to play it again just to know if my memories are serving me right. I also want to play Spongebob games — honestly, any obscure Nickelodeon game title, I’m down to play. I might replay the Nicktoons games soon.
I haven’t played on my main phone recently. I only just got to play Minecraft again last night. I think I’ve been absent from it for a few days. I’ve been too busy with the Blogspot thing.
That takes me back to Blogspot: I’ve already posted my book/movie/game/anime reviews there. I’ve already put the Brain Farts there, and the “Goal of a Thousand Books”, and the short stories that I’ve written. I’m left with nothing else to post. So making new stuff is the only option.
I am slowly being eaten up by my own desire to achieve more, to do more, to be more. I’ve been non-stop trying to edit and re-edit articles or blogs pertain to the “Content Junkie” idea. It’s not even called that, anymore. Rather, I’ve moved on to using “Realms of the Unbalanced”, and have also moved on from the Facebook page and into a Blogger website of my own making. This blog has existed in the ethereal realm of the internet (it’s been in draft mode) since high school, and only yesterday did I remember it being an actual thing that I have at my disposal.
I’ve been posting and posting articles that I have lying around on my Evernote, into that blog. All my brain farts regarding Kaiju movies I’ve watched in the recent weeks that have passed, and all of the reviews I’ve written that have not seen the light of day on my Youtube channel (which is only a short sum, cause I’m not too prolific when it comes to writing reviews or whatever).
It’s eating me all up cause I have done what I would surmise is a lot of stuff in a short span of hours, and I already feel like I’m being swallowed up by some invisible gravitational force that is pulling me down and making me — as my current blog’s title is called — Unbalanced.
I fished that term out of the Ultra Q wikipedia page, by the way, for those who are in-the-know of that 1966 series and are familiar with the term. It was supposedly the title for the show, by the producers wanted a different angle, and they scrapped Unbalanced…and left it free for the taking, and so I did.
Anyway, it seems I’m still going to keep pushing on with this psyche-destructive endeavor of mine, cause if by chance that the Realms of the Unbalanced becomes a sensational blog where people go to in order to find the stuff that I’ve been putting out, the end goal would be that I get to have ads on my blog, via Adsense support.
My Youtube Channel also shows ads, and I’ve been trying to find a way to have my thoughts be paid (literally), and this is the thing that I’ve been looking for. This is the opportunity that could get me to have two ways to earn money. The Fucking Medium website doesn’t let me monetize my posts, cause apparently they don’t support the country that I’m in yet (or ever will). I’ve been prolific on that end, but if you ask me “do I earn any money with that?”, my answer would be no.
So Blogger is chance at that. It’s an opportunity that I will be taking into my hands. I’ll be working on it, and I won’t stop until I see even a sliver of a chance that I get monetized. Once that happens, I’ll be even more focused on working on that blog.
Anyway, back to business.
* * *
Written: Monday. September 14, 2020.
An update on the Blogger thing: it’s actually looking well. I was only really frustrated with it on the first night, but once I realized I could just put a lot of my unused or un-posted stuff on my Evernote into that blog, the world became my oyster. I placed my Brain Farts in there, my reviews regarding books/shows/anime/games/etc, and then my short stories. I feel like I’ll be posting more once this sinks in, cause I feel like my brain hasn’t yet fully grasped the scope of what I could do with that blog site.
It’s essentially a more organized Medium. Medium (the digital magazine website) is very limited when it comes to layout. They’re more of the essentialist/minimalist-type when it comes to layout design…unless you’re a premium member and/or have your own actual Medium page, and not just an account where you post random blogs or articles or journal entries. The only way for me to direct readers to other posts that I want them to see is by adding the “Previous | Next” text below every article or journal entry that I post. It’s frustrating too, cause I only have 2 followers on that Medium account that I have, and I have no way of having my posts monetized by Medium, cause apparently they haven’t had the ability to reach our country(Philippines) yet.
But with Blogger, as I’ve said, there is this sliver of a chance that I have of getting my blog monetized. I’m not requesting a lookup on my blog for now, cause I just did that a day ago, so it might cause even more damage if I immediately request another approval for my blog. So I’ll wait for like half a month before I request approval from the admins or whatever.
I hope I get it monetized, cause I’ve got a lot of writings that are just sitting and collecting dust inside my Evernote account, and it’s a shame if those ideas don’t see the light of day.
Other things: I’ve been playing a lot and watching a lot. Playing on my recently revived S4 Lite Cherry Mobile phone, playing on the desktop, playing on the laptop, and playing on my main phone. I used to hate playing multiple games at the same time, but I also hated playing just one game until I finished it, and when I started playing multiples again, I sort of realized “that’s the best way to go with gaming”.
I don’t wanna waste too much time with playing games (or at least online games). I’ve spent too much of my life with it already (due to my one-year forced vacation back in 2015), and I only really play games to balance out the madness. I mean that, because if I just kept writing and reading and recording videos and writing for videos and reading in order to get inspired to write, and not have to play any sort of game in the middle of that insanity — I would end up going just that: an insane person. I’ll explode into a million tiny pieces.
I haven’t been making new pixel art or any form of fine art, cause I really don’t have any intention of doing that. I have no motivation to do so, I have no clue what to do, and this leads to the question of whether or not I’m a perfectionist.
I think I am, but I’m the most mediocre perfectionist out there, probably. My mother keeps telling me I’m a perfectionist for fearing to fail on doing the “graduation roadblock” (man, I haven’t written those two words together in a while), and she’s kind of correct, but also completely wrong.
I want to defy the world or society on the existing point of “having to follow the rules and staying in your lane in order to reach a level of stability in your life”. It’s an over-done and religiously worshiped tenet that everybody apparently has to follow in order to “live the life”.
…Where was I going with this? I had a point.
Oh, yeah — pixel art. Basically, I’m saying that my weakest hobby or talent (whichever is more applicable to whatever I’m saying) is making art. Ironically, this was one of the first things I showed a talent for, and I’ve blinded myself with the false idea of “I’m actually good at this, since I’ve been doing it way back in preschool”. So it’s very nerve-wrecking to realize that what you’ve been wearing as armor for a long time, were actually the chains that have been holding you in place (in the context of being a bad scenario).
* * *
Written: Thursday. September 17, 2020.
I don’t feel like myself today — sort of a very cliche way to express how I exactly feel at the moment, but I’m too out of it to even care.
Why is it that I tend to feel like I have to do something that I think is important? Why do I think these things are important? Why do I pressure myself? I always pressure myself. This is a constant thing that keeps on happening to me. I want to make pixel art, but I also don’t know what I want to do with pixel art. I only know how to mimic stuff, but to do original stuff of my own is something is entirely. So that’s where my head’s at right now. I always think of myself as not capable of doing my own stuff or style, but then again, why does that matter so much?
And why do I keep on wanting to do more, instead of doing less in order to do more? I keep on doing multiple things at once, that my mind can’t settle on the thing I’m doing in real time anymore. When I read, I think of games and shows and ideas that I want to get done after I read. When I’m watching something, I’m thinking of how I’m gonna do my reaction for it. When I’m recording, my head’s on the upload. When I’m uploading(this part’s okay) I’m doing something else. When I’m doing something else, I’m thinking of something else.
Why can’t I focus? I’m doing too many stuff, but why do I feel like I’m still not doing enough?
Tangent: I don’t know what to do with my Blogger website anymore. I’ve pretty much put everything there already (except for the Modern Hidalgo and the Inner Machinations journal). I think I’ll keep on posting entries on Medium, but everything else that I come up with is gonna be put in the Blogspot site.
What is it properly called? Blogger? Blogspot? I don’t know.
One Idea that I have for the Blog is to play a game, and write down what I do within the play-through. I’ve been wanting to replay Final Fantasy Tactics Advance; something about that game really hits home for me, I think it’s because of my shady history with the game (shady, meaning I secretly bought the physical game with my dad’s money that I took from his wallet. I was young, what’re you gonna do?). That, and the game really has a nice story, and a very nice gaming experience. Like, I can’t stress how good that game is. Especially when you compare it to a game like Tactics Ogre: Knight of Lodis, FF Tactics Advance really shines. I’ve played the game more than I’ve played any Fire Emblem game or Advance Wars game (all games I’ve been mentioning are chess-like strategy games).
Or, I also want to play this Jimmy Neutron Game on the GBA that I finished in the past. It’s stuck in my head, and I want to play it again just to know if my memories are serving me right. I also want to play Spongebob games — honestly, any obscure Nickelodeon game title, I’m down to play. I might replay the Nicktoons games soon.
I haven’t played on my main phone recently. I only just got to play Minecraft again last night. I think I’ve been absent from it for a few days. I’ve been too busy with the Blogspot thing.
That takes me back to Blogspot: I’ve already posted my book/movie/game/anime reviews there. I’ve already put the Brain Farts there, and the “Goal of a Thousand Books”, and the short stories that I’ve written. I’m left with nothing else to post. So making new stuff is the only option.
* * *
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