Also stay away from Christopher Walken handing you the Universal Remote.THE MODERN HIDALGO: Entry_069
Written: Wednesday. November 27, 2019.
Something’s wrong with my laptop’s time and date settings. It never syncs up with the internet time anymore. And I’m too lazy to fix it. I just re-sync the damn thing whenever I spot that it’s a few hours advanced. And why is it advanced? Shouldn’t it be delayed, cause it might be caused by shutting the laptop down, that’s why the time stops as well. I mean, I dunno. And I have no time to fiddle with it. Or the propensity to even try.
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I’ve still been fixing up the earlier journal entries. Those earlier pieces were definitely more concise with what it wants to say, or the topics that it has. Basically, I used to have a better handle with this journal entry back when I was still starting out. Now, I feel like I’ve been too easy on myself. Letting myself write without having to worry about the quality of my prose, of my sentence structures, or whatever.
I don’t even know what this entry is gonna be about, since I didn’t really do anything today.
Back in the earlier journal entries, I followed a strict prompt schedule:
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I mean, I could give it a try. Today’s Wednesday, so that means it’s Idea Day. So I have to talk about an idea that I have.
I don’t really have new ideas. No new thing has appeared in my head. I feel like, with all of the ideas that I’ve put on hold, mainly because I can’t physically do them due to lack of funding, I’ve been lacking the energy or the ability to create new ideas. Or just simply come up with them and write them down here or on a piece of paper.
That sucks.
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Another thing I noticed about the earlier entries, is how often I would grab something from my past, and just talk about that. I would just take a certain memory that I have from my elementary or high school days, and reflect on it by talking about it on the journal.
That sort of allowed me to be open, not really to the readers, but to myself. I don’t know if that makes sense. Is there such a thing as “not opening up to yourself”? I feel like there is.
Because sometimes, we just go by everyday, experiencing the things that happen, the events that occur, the conversations we have with our friends and family. But we never really absorb them as they happen to us.
We just pass by those moments like a scene from a movie, and move on towards the next scene.I feel like, right now, I’m not active. I’m not mentally active, even as I’m writing this journal entry. I’ve been going to places with my family, been doing exercise again, been watching videos on the internet, been reading books on a regular basis.
But my mind isn’t really ON. It’s just on autopilot.It’s like that scene from the movie Click, where Adam Sandler goes through a montage of his life, and sees that while he was skipping his life, just only to the good parts, he sees that a mundane version of himself is taking place. A very shitty, very boring, and absent-minded version of himself.
An autopilot.
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And he can’t go back and change things from the past — even if he does have a 4th-dimensional remote control that could take him to see his past, cheat his way through the present, and move him forward to the future — because the past has already happened, and he skipped moments of his life, to just enjoy the good parts.
And bla bla bla, he paid for it in the end by dying in the middle of the road, with all of his family by his side, who he never got to spend intimate time with, because he skipped those parts of his life. And then he wakes up at the mall. Nothing was real. He’s given a second chance to get his shit together, and spend more quality time with his family.
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Well, the moral of the story here is this: There’s no such thing as a remote controller that can make your life better (or worse), so you don’t have to worry about all that stuff I just said earlier.
But Sandler’s character would’ve never seen the wrong in his actions, without experiencing his life literally flash before his eyes.
So if I were you (and this is just me talking to my future self, and also maybe my present self), get your shit together.
Stop being such an autopilot.
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I haven’t watched Click in a long time now. And I’m not planning to do so in the near future, cause if I do, I wouldn’t ever be able to handle it.
I wasn’t able to handle it then. So, imagine me handling it now, what with the whole “my dad’s bypass operation” still being fresh inside my psyche.
Click has a scene (you know what I’m talking about) that would definitely ruin me if I ever watch it again.
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it’s this scene right here, right fucking here.
So no. I’m not gonna watch it any time soon…maybe next year. We’ll see.
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I also noticed that I talked a lot about cartoons, and movies, and all of the things I enjoyed as a kid, on those earlier journal entries. Why have I stopped talking about them as often as before? Well, this entry not included, since I talked about Click.
Maybe because I’ve written too many of these, that I don’t know what I’ve talked about already, and what I haven’t talked about, that’s why I hesitate to talk about anything anymore.
I still talk about books. That hasn’t changed. But I never talk about other things anymore.
I should probably stick back to following the schedule that I made for this Journal.
…and now, thinking about it, I messed up on this entry, cause I talked about a movie and didn’t talk about an Idea…
I mean, I could just switch them. I could talk about ideas on Friday — wait, no. Friday is “The Omnivault” day.
Shit.
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