Written: Friday. August 13, 2021.
Today was okay. It wasn't a good day, it wasn't a bad day. It was mostly an okay day. And I guess, these days, I think that's good enough.
I was able to make another Short video for my main Channel. And I was able to record a play-through of a game I want to master: Advance Wars. I posted the video on my second channel, which was supposed to be my Vlogging channel, but it is now gonna be my gaming channel. I figured that I'm really not fit to vlog any time soon. I'm gonna be stuck in this house for as long as this stupid pandemic.
And sure, there are a lot more factors involved. Like the fact that I don't have a charismatic personality that could carry a vlog channel, nor have a life that's worth being shared. At least, that's how I feel right now. I definitely had the makings of a traditional vlogger back before the shit show started. But now, because I can't go outside, there's nothing to do, nothing to show, nothing worth mentioning to hundreds of people on YouTube.
I hope that that's not the end of that topic. I most certainly hope that one day, I'll be able to say to my younger self that it was all just because of the pandemic, and that I had it in me once I'm able to go out of the house and shoot whatever video I wanna make and call it a vlog. But that way of thinking in itself is also sort of twisted. That's basically admitting that I'm waiting for things to happen, before I do what I want to do. I'm not doing anything, because I'm waiting for the right moment. I'm holding off on starting something, because I don't feel like it's the right time to do it.
That way of thinking right there can be considered toxic. Because it's just me blaming external forces for my weak internal capacity. I dunno if that makes sense, but fuck it.
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So, about the whole Advance Wars thing. I wanted to start playing it again because of a variety of reasons.
- because I'm inspired by this YouTuber named Mangs.
- because there's a remake coming out.
- because I don't feel like I've earned the right to say that I've "finished the game".
The reason for that last part is because I've always just allowed myself to play video games with the help of the save-state/load-state technique. It allows me to go back to a previous state, and place checkpoints on certain states where I feel confident in. It's basically cheating, and I have to stop doing that.
It makes me feel like I'm not a genuine video gamer. And I'm really not. I'm just a guy who plays video games using emulators a lot. I don't have a single game that I'm good at playing, and most people I know that also play games are usually good at something.
For example, I've been playing Clash Royale for a long while now, but I know a guy who's better than me because he can purchase items in the game. I've played Paper Mario 64 for God knows how many times, but my brother has beaten The Thousand Year Door twice now, and I haven't. I've played Fire Emblem, but have never actually finished a single game in the franchise. I've played a handful of Legend of Zelda games, but I know that my brother has played more game titles than I have.
I'm basically saying that I don't have a video games series that I'm truly a master of, or at least am known to be good at. And I think Advance Wars is a game that I could try to be good at, even though I know that I won't enjoy every single minute of it. I'll enjoy it, sure, but it'll probably be hard as hell.
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I haven't been playing my Nintendo Switch Lite as often recently. It's not a good thing or a bad thing. It's just...a thing that I wanted to point out, you know. I'm at the stage where I've had thoughts of wanting to sell it. I'm never gonna do it, because I'm gonna be too attached to it, since it's technically my first gaming console/handheld in a while. But yeah, it's been something that has crossed my mind a few times. That kind of thinking is probably gonna go away once I'm able to buy myself a new game. But at the rate of how goddamned slow my revenue gain is for the past months, I doubt that I'll be able to buy a new game later this year.
I'll be missing the launch of the new Diamond and Pearl remakes, the Advance Wars remake, and the new Arceus game coming out by December...I think? I mean, I already missed the Skyward Sword HD release, so it's really not looking good for me financially this year. Oh, how naive I was way back in February to April.
Although, and this is me just blabbering, my first Short on my YouTube Channel got a ton of views today! And also it's just gone back to the usual view count per hour again somehow. But maybe I'll earn revenue for it by tomorrow. I'm not sure, though. Cause last I checked on the Creator Studio, the video hasn't gotten any revenue yet. Weird.
I just hope that it does show revenue by tomorrow morning. It would be upsetting if I had done those videos for nothing. The two new Shorts that I made unfortunately didn't get as much views as the first one, and I have no idea why that's the case. YouTube's Algorithm is just so complicated.
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I literally had to pause because an earthquake alert just woke up my phone's screen. I checked through twitter, and a lot of people are saying that they felt the shaking. But, a few of the tweets also said that they didn't feel anything at all. Maybe it hasn't gotten here yet. I dunno. But I'm not waiting.
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