Written: Monday. December 19, 2022.
Back again. Back to writing a journal entry. This particular batch is quite interesting. Back when my life wasn't as filled with activities and major events, I was writing prolifically. Now that my life has taken a turn I didn't see coming, or had anticipated in any way—a life filled with events, with things to do, places gone to, and all sorts of other things...I haven't written as much as I should.
I haven't reflected on the things that have come and gone, haven't jotted down thoughts I was thinking in the moments that have passed; moments that should be remembered, but since I didn't get to write them down, I'll eventually forget them as time and memory passes.
It has something to do with the work that I do, most definitely. A few weeks ago was a rollercoaster of events that challenged me, in a way. Even my body has given me a clear sign of the toll it had taken on me due just to having experienced these events unfold in front of me.
I won't try to go through all of them, as I've done in a previous entry. These events were quick. They were many, and spontaneous. Never planned, nor expected to happen. They just did happen, and that's what makes it important, I guess.
But they aren't as important to remember, or to look back on, because they're merely stepping stones in the larger narrative. But what is the larger narrative, at this point?
That's something that's been lingering on in my head these past few weeks. What is it all leading up to? What am I doing right now, that will eventually be the reason for the things to come?
I miss writing. That's definitely true. I miss having time to read. I miss the times when I just could easily walk out of my house one day in order to go to the mall and head straight to the book store, just to browse books. Spend time around them. Hoping to find a title that interests me. Often, it does end up being that. But now, I can't even find the time to do all of that, without having a fit.
The work that I do is placed at an awkward time of day. I work at night, and sleep in the day. If it were up to me, I'd be working in the morning, which is kind of what I did this morning, but this will pass by next week.
I don't wanna write down the things that I plan, because often times, it ends up not happening. But I will write about a certain daydream that's been in my head for quite a few times now. It's a scenario of sorts, that I play out inside of my head from time to time, just because I've always seen it as the point in which I've made it. Not truly made it, in terms of achieving my dreams. But you get what I mean.
The scenario goes as such: I enter a coffee shop with a backpack of sorts. Maybe I'm holding my phone, or a wet umbrella, depending on the mood of the day. I'll order my coffee, or I'll order something else, since I'm not used to buying or drinking coffee anyway. I would settle on a spot. Maybe a square table in the corner, or a place near the windows. Preferably a place that's quite, since I'll be doing a lot of writing and brainstorming. And then, I would bring out a laptop. In an original rendition of the dream, it's a Macbook, but nowadays I'd just settle for a Huawei Matebook of some kind. I'd bring that out, and place it on the table. Get my writing equipment out as well. Maybe just a pen and a small colored notes paper that I have a lot of. Or maybe I've bought myself a Moleskine Journal of some kind, and have used it as a commonplace book that I bring with me to write things on. I would spend hours in that coffee shop just writing shit down on that minimalist laptop that I have with me that I clearly brought just to show off.
And that's basically the scenario in my head. It's been living inside my head for probably a few years now. I think I've been thinking about that since college. I do have a new laptop now, but it's designed to look like a gaming laptop. I mean, it is a gaming laptop, and that's what I don't like about it.
I don't like the idea that I have the option to play games on a device that I'm meant to use for projects and work. I'd like a laptop that's dedicated for a specific task. That's why I love books, because you're only meant to read the thing, and nothing else.
I'd love to buy a minimalist laptop, one day. But I think I'm going to have to buy a few other important things, first. Or, you know, screw that thought, and just buy the god damned laptop. It doesn't even have to be fast. It just needs to be a laptop that does the job for me.
Also thinking about buying an iPad Mini 6th gen. Not so much thinking about buying an Apple Pencil. Maybe I'll buy a Bluetooth keyboard, but I'd mostly use the tablet for games and writing.
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