Written: Wednesday. March 15, 2023.
Today, I don't feel as happy as most days. It's 8:32 in the morning, so a lot can still happen. But I'm starting this day just feeling exhausted, mainly because I didn't get enough sleep yesterday, which caused me to take a lot of naps during the work hours. But this shit goes deep.
I'd like to think that it's just because I'm tired that I'm having thoughts of quitting my job again. But looking at things in retrospect, I definitely need to get out of this boat before I sink with it. Narrative (the name of the company I'm working for), or simply NRTV, was a good company to work for when I started this job. It got a little weird within the second month of working, and that kind of change just kept on going as months went by.
These were small changes, but they were drastic changes that when you pile them up together, it makes it look like a huge change overall to the well being of the company itself. Right now, my perspective is leading me to believe that the company, as it stands right now, is going to shit. And in this perspective of mine, I'm one of the only editors left that's keeping the company afloat. If (and when) I leave, I'm in a position to say that things will probably turn out worse for NRTV.
Sure, it's possible that they can replace me, but my absence will definitely take a toll on the company's health...for about two weeks or so, until they get back on track again, because that's the reality of the situation. I may be indispensable now, and it'll be hard to replace me...but at the end of the day, I can be replaced, and I will be replaced.
The reason I want to leave is more on the professionalism of the company, or the lack thereof. They give out new footage to edit at the butt end of the shift, and a lot of times, they ask for overtime. That would be great, if the pay was justifiable. But even as I've done a lot of overtime, the pay has never reflected equally to the amount of hours I put in on those overtime work.
And it is and also isn't the company's fault. It's either the company is giving out lesser pay for overtime, or that they don't know that I'm being played by our Manager (Ofie), which is the one who basically handles DCP (the company that hires editors like me in order to work for international companies like NRTV). Either scenario, I'm fucked, because there's no way to change that.
My work and value isn't being recognized, and I should've also been promoted by now to assistant team leader. If I really decide to leave the company by the end of April, I can demand that I be made assistant team leader in replacement to the current assistant team leader. I could still handle the edits for FLO (the brand that I've been soloing since January), but I want to be assistant team leader so that the pay that I get each month is somewhat justifiable.
But then again, that's low probability right there.
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